january 9

new year, new you

new year, new you

blah, blah, wah, wah

 

I know I have been in a pretty fucked up place for the last 5 months or so err, the last year, if I am being honest.

I know that fucked up place is a stagnant place.

Stagnant is not good for me.

I have been reflecting on 2015 and I realized that I spent the last few months being incredibly down and negative about the entire year. What a wiener I was being, the entire year was not a bust. I bought a new vehicle, I went to Florida to see a friend marry her love, I spent time that weekend with so many of my friends from around the country. I spent many, many happy hours with my husband and my Q. That alone makes it a great year!

Even though I can now reflect and see 2015 was a pretty good year, I know I spent quite a bit of time during 2015 bummed out for not being able to do more. I wasted too much time being bummed out because I was the only person not going to fitbloggin, or when I see friends posting new thing after new thing and I am scraping pennies to pay bills. I would see people connecting and feel left out. I would see my friends losing weight or running races and hate that I was not doing either of those things.

I realize now, this was a totally exaggerated feeling.  My feelings were valid but I tried squashing them, ignoring them and ultimately because I did not deal with them they became so big they felt unbearable.

GOOD GRIEF

I completely gave up on myself this past year. I did nothing. I wrote goals and bucket lists and had big ideas and I. DID. NOTHING.

I worked. And work was/is/can be exhausting. So I let that be my excuse. I worked – school and the restaurant. But that was it. I didn’t work on myself, my relationships, my domain, my career. All stayed stagnant because I was stagnant. Side note & reminder to myself: since September, when this school year started, I have really stepped up my teaching game!

At times, I knew I was doing nothing. There were notifications from Time Hop to show and remind me what I was doing the year before (like my walking streak) and I think that set me further down the spiral of do-nothing-despair. But I still I did nothing.

I don’t like feeling this way.

I came across this little picture/motivation today…

12510484_10153927878536030_802856869764718828_n.jpg

At this very moment, I am recovering from my 4th sinus infection in as many months. The weather, my schedule, lack of sleep, lack of proper nutrition, lack of movement other than work….pick one or all. I would say the universe is trying to tell me something. My body is trying to tell me something.

It is time I listen, well, not only listen but take action as well.

I gotta keep trying.

 

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