New, scary things and the old self doubt

Two weeks ago I stepped into a crossfit gym. It was a 6am class. 

Do you have any idea how freaking early that is?!? Especially considering I often work til midnight or later. 

I got up be before my alarm after waking up almost every hour thinking I’d miss my alarm. Am I the only one who does this?

I think I lucked out.  I haven’t worked out in forever and I haven’t worked out with any regularity in at least a year. This was a hard workout for sure, but not too scary. 

I think I built crossfit up so much in my head that I expected it to be the hardest workout and that I’d be puking before I went home.

But this workout was ok..I also took it slow and did what I could without pushing myself too hard or fast. The trainer watched everything I did, ame sure I was using correct form and made sure I didn’t do too much on my first day. 

Crossfit was hard, I was sweaty and sore, but I liked it. 

I went to Ambitious Fitness with my girlfriend,  Kerry.  Ketry has been going to this CF gym for around 6 months  (maybe more, I’m terrible with dates) and looks amazing. You can see the difference crossfit has made to her body. Changing her eating habits and crossfit has done wonders for Kerry. She’s always been beautiful but now I think she knows and believes it. She’s a strong mama and the confidence she has now it amazibg. And Kerry was pretty damn confident  (or a great actress) when I met here. 

How cute are we?!?

I’ve been thinking about CF since that morning.  I liked the way you walk in and the workout is there for you. I don’t have to figure it out. I really like that it’s a group but yet individual workout.  I really like that there is a trainer or two around to check form. (I hurt my neck lifting on my own a few years ago and stopped lifting and going to the gym at that time)

I want to go back. But CF is expensive.  Like $50 more than a regular gym….each month. But I liked it. 

Thoughts like that have been swirling in my head for weeks now. 

I think I’ve come to a decision.  I like CF and I want to join the gym. 

I work my ass off to ensure my family has everything we need. I work a second job. I sell Buskins.  And I just started selling Life’s Abundance. (Let’s be honest here, I joined the two companies because I LOVE their products and selling them just helps offset my own  costs.) 

I am not afraid of hard work. 

So why am I hesitant about joining CF?

  • Should I spend the money? 
  • Am I being selfish if I join?
  • Will I have the time?
  • I could just workout at home….why don’t I? 
  • I could, I should, but I dont…..
  • Or other such nonsensical bullshit that runs thru my head. 

This week, I go back to school. I will start my 10th year teaching.  My daughter starts her senor year next week. I will be 39 in February.  

I am tired of being tired. I don’t want to be tired and out of shape forever and I’m not going to do it myself.  


I am willing to work one extra Applebee’s shift each month, to afford crossfit.  

Why does this freak me out?

I know I should do it. I know I want to do it. Why do I hesitate? 

Around my hood

Every now and again I remember just how much I love where I live. South jersey is expensive and I work hard to live here. My daughter is in a great school and has grown up in a fantastic neighborhood. I live 10 minutes from the beach and boardwalk. Less than 45 minutes away is an amazing free zoo. 

Last week, our friends came to visit. Normally, we head to their place in the mountains for a break from the summer tourist craziness. 

We did the shoobie(our word for tourists)thing with our friends. I will let the picture tell the story.

Ocean City, NJ boardwalk (near 17th St)
A string band for entertainment. No parade just the band.
I love this picture or my friend taking pictures.
A necessary sign. Seagulls are vicious!!

I LOVE the Cape May Zoo. Close to home, free (donations welcome), and amazing.  We go there at least 4 times each year and yet I still take too many pictures.  Here are a few.

This was my first visit to the Naval Air Station Aviation Museum and I was amazed. 

Look at this wall of veterans! 

The letters here made me cry. 

I keep learning more about the history of my area. I am continually amazed. 
The next few pictures are from Sunset Beach in Cape May. 

Flag Ceremony at Sunset. 

Beaches and bunkers, sunsets and flags, history and good friends. 

I had a great week with my great friends.  

I hope you eniyed seeing some of the sights on my area.

LoI can be a dumbass

Today, I went to the:

  •  Grocery store
  • Farm stand
  • Produce outlet 

I loaded up on healthy goodies. Fresh and seasonal and delicious goodies. 

While I was out a friend stopped by and visited with Big Man. Said friend is a baker. Said baker friend left an apple crumb cake behind. 

Not gluten free. 

Guess who ate some?

Guess who ate some more?

Guess who has an upset belly and is itchy all over?

Guess who feels like a dumbass? 

And then donuts. Donuts. WTF, dumbass?!?

Good thing tomorrow is a new day!

Week 2 begins

This challenge is so much fun. I’m making it my own and being encouraged by team leader to do so. 

A little background…..

I am part of this amazing group of women striving to find our way with fitness and health. It’s a very private group, so it’s a very safe place to explore and talk about what’s really going on. The good, the bad, and the ugly. I’ve been a member of this group since it started but over the last few years I have not been a very active participant  (much like life….another post for sure, damn these revelations keep coming now that I’m opening up and journaling/blogging again) but a lurker instead. This group hosts seveal 90 day challenges each year. I’ve not participated in forever and when I did participate I never completed an entire round of 90 days.  

The invite to participate this time, ,ame at just the right time. I signed up right away and picked my team.  Something in the description and the team name (Thick Thigh Squad) called to me. Plus,  a friend was on the team already. I jumped in with both feet. 

Week 1 was my slow-rollout. 

This week will be fun.  I have a new work schedule and have the next three days off. Until school starts I have two jobs (Applebee’s – 3 nights, 1 day -and one morning cleaning job) but they never work out to be a double. 

Sidebar: I love the idea of snapchat but I am terrible at posting pics at the same time I take the pictures.  I like to be more in the moment,  but I lover taking pictures. Blogging again will give me a chance to post, reflect, journal. 

This week, I will try and do something around my area. I love where I live this time of year so for the next week, I will remember that and capture images of what I love where I live. 

This is gonna be fun. Who wants to join me?

Fall Challenge week 1 recap

This was a very busy week that flew by so fast I can’t believe it is late Sunday night already.

Where did the week go?!?

Tuesday: I went to an amazing workshop and spent the day learning ways to integrate Google into the classroom.  I love when I go to a professional development day and learn something.  I’m excited to apply what I’ve learned. 

Tuesday night: a rare date night with Big Man. At a restaurant. With drinks. Like grown ups. 

The rest of the week is boring. Work. Three closing shifts and one morning of cleaning houses and one opening shift. 

And that brings us to today. 

I decided I was starting slow. The challenge officially started last Sunday but I unofficially started Wednesday.  And I’m following along as best as I can with my work schedule.  

My water goal was simple….make water the go-to drink more often than not. At home this is usually pretty easy. Besides my coffee I  drank water. At the restaurant it has been too easy to grab soda. This week I made a conscious effort to fill water not soda 75% of the time. 

My big goal for this challenge is to make small changes that lead to bigger changes (more about this in a different post because seriously,  I am just figuring out what I want my goals to be for the next few months). I will continue to increase my water intake. 

I did not take two walks but I did do several days of self care. I went to see my chiropractor who is so much more than you’re basic chiropractor and has been working miracles on my foot (yet another post). I had drinks and dinner with my husband. We strolled hand-in-hand around the lake and historic village. I colored my hair which always makes me feel better. I napped on Saturday afternoon. 

I hit over 10,000 steps all but one day last week. 

Not a bad week for a slow start. 

My spirit animal, isn’t she cute?

New challenges 

I first started blogging way back when (don’t ask me exact because I suck at dates and this is not the first reincarnation of my blog) as a way to document a weight loss challenge. I’ve had ups and downs in just about every aspect of life. I’ve changed and grown so much since the first time I blogged. The first time I tried to lose weight. The first time I participated in a weight loss or fitness challenge.


I’m back….

I have been involved with a FB group for years now but not really actively participating.  I joined a 90-day challenges with this group as a way to get myself back in the game.

 I have not been taking very good care of myself. I work a lot. [In case you don’t know….I am an English teacher at an alternative high school  and a waitress/bartender at Applebee’s and I sell Buskins leggings and all summer I do various jobs during school hours] I work a lot and haven’t been exercising. I haven’t given myself time for yoga or meditation.  

I work, I come home, I sleep for a few hours and then I do it again.  

This challenge sign up came across my FB feed at the right time. The challenge officially started on Sunday but I had a very slow start. I knew I had some plans that included food and drinks so I slow rolled my way into this challenge. 

With permission I am including the challege overview.  

It is late…like 2 am late….but I just got home from work less than two hours ago….I will write more tomorrow.  For now,  I’m back and challenging myself to work on myself. To find a balance and take better care of myself.  

Peace out, bean sprout. 

For now.

january 9

new year, new you

new year, new you

blah, blah, wah, wah


I know I have been in a pretty fucked up place for the last 5 months or so err, the last year, if I am being honest.

I know that fucked up place is a stagnant place.

Stagnant is not good for me.

I have been reflecting on 2015 and I realized that I spent the last few months being incredibly down and negative about the entire year. What a wiener I was being, the entire year was not a bust. I bought a new vehicle, I went to Florida to see a friend marry her love, I spent time that weekend with so many of my friends from around the country. I spent many, many happy hours with my husband and my Q. That alone makes it a great year!

Even though I can now reflect and see 2015 was a pretty good year, I know I spent quite a bit of time during 2015 bummed out for not being able to do more. I wasted too much time being bummed out because I was the only person not going to fitbloggin, or when I see friends posting new thing after new thing and I am scraping pennies to pay bills. I would see people connecting and feel left out. I would see my friends losing weight or running races and hate that I was not doing either of those things.

I realize now, this was a totally exaggerated feeling.  My feelings were valid but I tried squashing them, ignoring them and ultimately because I did not deal with them they became so big they felt unbearable.


I completely gave up on myself this past year. I did nothing. I wrote goals and bucket lists and had big ideas and I. DID. NOTHING.

I worked. And work was/is/can be exhausting. So I let that be my excuse. I worked – school and the restaurant. But that was it. I didn’t work on myself, my relationships, my domain, my career. All stayed stagnant because I was stagnant. Side note & reminder to myself: since September, when this school year started, I have really stepped up my teaching game!

At times, I knew I was doing nothing. There were notifications from Time Hop to show and remind me what I was doing the year before (like my walking streak) and I think that set me further down the spiral of do-nothing-despair. But I still I did nothing.

I don’t like feeling this way.

I came across this little picture/motivation today…


At this very moment, I am recovering from my 4th sinus infection in as many months. The weather, my schedule, lack of sleep, lack of proper nutrition, lack of movement other than work….pick one or all. I would say the universe is trying to tell me something. My body is trying to tell me something.

It is time I listen, well, not only listen but take action as well.

I gotta keep trying.



Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 2,616 other followers